"That's like waking up every morning and taking a pill"

One year ago I was not on any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. Today I am not less of a free individual because I choose to comply with a strict medication regimen. I know that it is a sign of strength that I am no longer dependent on my own means of self-medicating everyday. My mood is a lot more stable and I trust my feelings now, as I know I do not have to drink myself silly to handle social anxiety or smoke myself into a stupor to get any sleep at night. I was no longer 'just getting high' I was dependent on a substance to avoid feelings, escaping feelings of self-hate, no self-worth or confidence-(when really I was just ruminating in my own pool of misery). I lost friends, going to class, therapy (or yoga) were my few means of not feeling alone. On the surface I was doing well, but it felt really wrong, like I was lying to myself on a daily basis; depriving myself of really living.

While some days it is still really very hard to just be here in my body because chronic pain and migraines do not take a break for the holidays or when you just want to forget everything and have fun.
It's taken a whole lot for me to believe I am blessed to be in this body, rather than cursed to live on this earth.
Shifting your perspective from hating your life to loving yourself and all the life and light in you, is not any easy change to make, in fact this had been one of the greatest battles I've faced in my life.

Remembering, recalling and retelling my trauma history over and over again to various professionals has most certainly not been the highlight of my existence. Recounting six sexual assaults since the age of 5 is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

But it's my life and I am done with acting like it is out of my hands.
I have made the choice to not let my PTSD and residual trauma dictate where I go in life.
Cause I've already come so much farther than I ever thought possible.
I thank Creator, whatever mask we put on GOD, for giving me the power, wisdom and insight to be here today and be all that I have worked so hard to become.

"That's like waking up and taking a pill every morning" was said by a yoga teacher in front of my friend Justin and I at a healing breath workshop after just having an out of mind & body experience. We both snickered at this comment, and I said "Yeah try taking 15+ 3 times daily" My friend also deals with PTSD from sexual assault, he was misdiagnosed as bipolar, the mental health world still does not fully recognize the role of  traumatic pain. From what I have witnessed, healing cannot occur for these victims until they address the power the event had on their life and learn to detach their identity from this, forgive themselves and the source of their maltreatment, so that they can go on to be self-aware survivors.