TRIGGER WARNING

**TRIGGER WARNING**This blog contains subject matter that could very well be triggering for some as it covers childhood sexual abuse and rape culture. My intention is to raise awareness and encourage other victims to let their voices be heard, NOT to offend, attention-seek, name call, blame or point fingers.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my story.

Friday, October 30, 2015

The Breaking

No longer will I
get lost in between the
"I love you(s)" or
"you mean the world to me"

If I want somebody else to love me
then I need them to love all of me.

Somebody else cannot love all of you until YOU learn to LOVE YOURSELF.

These parts that you hate,
the ways in which
your skin crawls,
feeling a perpetrator is always present.

You cannot love somebody else when you are living at the edge of your sanity.

You need to acknowledge the parts of yourself that still feel so unlovable,
these parts always crave to fill a void
with the attention and affections of someone else.
You're always looking for approval reflected in the eyes of some greater person.

Give these parts, your broken girl parts, YOUR ATTENTION.
You need it now more than ever.
You are your number one advocate.
You alone in your body,
a vessel of GOD's love
is not mangled and tangled from the effects of traumatic sexual abuse.

Love yourself holistically,
so that one day you can hold her in your arms again.

KNOW THEN
all that you are, can be loved and shared with someone you truly love.

KNOW THEN
that shame cannot hurt you there.
When you finally accept yourself,
when you can be in a loving relationship with your own mind, body and spirit.
Then you will be free.

You won't have to worry about treating someone you love so mean.

KNOW NOW
I can no longer be the abused,
because my anger and anguish is too much for a single soul
and I am so frozen with fear,
that I'll become the abuser and spread hurt like a disease.